淡定的人生不再寂寞

前言

　　Introduction　　Every family seems a bit dysfunctional when you get to know it well. No one seems to think his or her own family is “normal.” So if we are all a bit abnormal, then that becomes the new normal. Every family has its unusual members—the ones who make holidays so interesting, who make funerals a minefield, who have to be “managed” at weddings, and so on.　　Family matters. And there are always lots of family matters to discuss in any modern family, especially mine. In my sixty years, I have sure experienced a lot of family, and my family is the most important, most rewarding, most challenging, and most wonderful part of my life.　　I have had my share of family ups and downs, including the loss of my brother at age eighteen, but I am happy about the journey I have taken. My childhood was happy and in my adult years I’ve been married three times and I have ten children. The most exciting thing in life and the most difficult thing in life is family. With ten children, it does get complicated! Not only do I have to deal with being a husband to a strong and accomplished woman, but I also have to deal with the massive personalities of the children. When you’re dealing with this many people your life is very full. Dealing with a large family and large personalities makes the decathlon look simple.　　It is amazing how different each kid is. There is a debate about genetics versus upbringing. The kids in each family were brought up the same way as each other and yet they are all so different. I believe that it’s genetics that really determine who we are, with a little sprinkling of “upbringing” on top.　　With my first wife, Chrystie Crownover, I had my first son and my first daughter. Burt, who is thirty-two, has grown up to be one of those kids who is going to do it on his own. I respect him for that. He is not afraid to work but only if it is for himself. He only lasted three months in the one office job that he had, selling telecommunications services over the phone. At least he learned not to take rejection personally, which is great because this hardworking kid has now combined his love of auto racing and his knowledge of the Internet in a new business that he has been working on for years. In the meantime, being an entrepreneur, he pays the bills with his dog training and boarding business. His sister, my beautiful and very smart daughter Casey, is thirty, and is married to a great guy she first met at Boston College. They gave me my very first grandchild, Francesca Marino, who is a year old now.　　With my second wife, Linda Thompson, I had two more sons. Brandon is twenty-nine and has the most talent in the family. When he was a teenager he banged himself up on a Motocross bike so he decided to learn the guitar while he was recuperating. It turned out he was really good. When he quit college in his junior year to pursue his passion, music, I was okay with that. I believe that you have achieved success when you can’t tell the difference between work and play. Brandon is one of those kids who doesn’t tell you anything as he goes along. Even though I am a pilot, he didn’t tell me that he was getting his pilot’s license until he already had it. He did the same thing with his music. One day he casually mentioned to me that he was performing his first live gig at the Malibu Inn. I didn’t even know he had a band. It was one of those great nights as a father. Brandon got up there and sang and played his own songs and he was phenomenally good.　　Now Brandon and his girlfriend, Leah Felder, whose dad Don was the lead guitarist for the Eagles, are engaged, and are recording their first album for Warner Bros. Brandon grew up with a recording studio in his house. His stepfather was producer David Foster, an icon in the music world. Brandon and his brother Brody, who is twenty-seven, appeared with their mother in an early family reality show called The Princes of Malibu, which featured them living with their stepfather. The show didn’t last long but it is funny that my two sons were in a reality show about family long before Keeping Up with the Kardashians. It must be in our genes. That early TV exposure launched Brody’s career on MTV and he is now on the reality show The Hills, and is also well known for dating beautiful women! 　　Now with my new bride of twenty years, Kris, I have an even bigger family and I have had to learn a new set of rules—how to be a stepdad. Being a stepdad is very difficult. You’re living with the stepchildren more than with your biological children, but you’re not their real dad and they don’t let you forget it. Although I got along very well with Kris’s first husband, Robert Kardashian, my oldest stepchild Kourtney had a hard time accepting me as her stepfather in the beginning. She wore black for the first year of our marriage! Kourtney, who is now thirty-one, was just entering adolescence at that time, which helps explain it, although she continues to be tough and stubborn about what she wants. As time went on, Kourtney and I developed a very good relationship and it has improved even more now that she is a mother. We welcomed a new grandchild into the Kardashian side of the family almost a year ago, Mason, who is the son of Kourtney and Scott Disick.　　These three Kardashian girls are very smart businesswomen like their mother, and I look forward to them all out-earning me. Kimberly, who is twenty-nine, is the most motivated of the three. She never stops working. She was a little younger when I became her stepfather and she and I have always had a good relationship. Khloe is the youngest, at twenty-six, and she was so young when I joined the family that we always got along really well.　　That leaves one more Kardashian to discuss, Rob, who is twenty-three, and who we finally got out of the house recently, although he moved in with Khloe and her husband, Lamar Odom. That kid has lived a very cushy life with a doting mother and three older sisters. But he is very smart, and majored in business, and I expect him to do very well with our business partner who is teaching him the ropes as they develop the family’s PerfectSkin line of personal care products. Rob was devastated by the sudden loss of his father to cancer in 2003, at only age fifty-nine, so he is still overcoming that. And he is quite a perfectionist—he lines up his shirts by color—so we’ll see who he ends up with.　　This brings me to my little angels, Kendall, who is turning fifteen, and Kylie who is thirteen. Kris and I had children with people we didn’t even want to be married to anymore, so it made sense to have kids together. These girls are really growing up in the public eye, between the TV show and their other activities. Kendall is already modeling for the Wilhelmina agency, and Kylie is waiting for her turn, but I told her she has to wait until she’s fourteen, which doesn’t make her happy. I’ve learned not to take her displeasure personally—I’m a professional father when it comes to young women and their hormones. But Kylie has a closer personality to Kourtney than anyone else because of her tough independence, so she will be fun to watch.　　They are all fun to watch. And I know many of you enjoy watching them too. Kris and I have been starring on the ultimate family TV show, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, on E! for the last four years, along with all six of Kris’s children and guest appearances from my older children. Many of you have been watching the ups and downs of our very colorful lives. By the way, it is all true. We really do act that way! 　　I think I am viewed as the stable guy in this mix of families and ex-wives and children. The Jenner/Kardashian household certainly swirls around me every episode, with so many bizarre events that you can see why that old adage “truth is stranger than fiction” is so wise.　　Being in the show does not affect how the family operates. We really are who you see. We love each other, fight with each other, and stick up for each other. The bottom line is we all love and respect each other. We are a tight family and we have been through a lot together—divorces, the controversy over the OJ Simpson trial when Robert Kardashian undertook OJ’s defense. His attitude was that someone had to represent him, no matter what he thought of his guilt or innocence, and Robert had been his friend in college. Robert’s death was a terrible blow to the family. And then there is all the media furor. The show has actually made the family tighter. It’s not really a show about three crazy girls running around and having high-profile lives, but about a real family... a tight family. You see that at the end of every episode—the show always ends with the family making up and enjoying each other once again.　　Everyone makes mistakes as they grow up. As a parent you just have to keep an open mind, lead by example, and give kids room to grow up. Kim, for instance, snuck off to Las Vegas when she was just nineteen and married some guy and then didn’t tell anyone. Kourtney figured it out after a while and went online and found the marriage record in the Las Vegas court. That marriage lasted a couple of years and ended badly. And just to show you that kids do listen to us, back then I told Kim that it was okay to get this first marriage out of the way while she was young and she told me I was an idiot. Then Khloe, who we thought was the least likely to get married, met Lamar and married him in two weeks, and I overheard Kim telling Khloe that it was good to get the first one out of the way while young! By the way, Khloe’s marriage seems to be working well, so we’re happy about that.　　Khloe, who is so sweet, made her own mistake recently, had a couple of drinks with friends and then drove home. She was pulled over and got a DUI. It has been a year and a half of hell for her, between the media and all the consequences for this in California. It was a big mistake, but it was a good mistake: no one was hurt; there was no accident; and she learned a valuable lesson. I wasn’t mad, although she would have a problem with me if she did it again.　　It could have been a lot worse. Three months after I won my gold for the United States in the Olympic decathlon in 1976, my younger brother Burt was killed in an auto accident that was his fault. He was only eighteen. You never get over something like that. I still have two sisters. Pam is older than me. She was always perfect—a great student and athlete who studied seven hours a night. She married a tax attorney and they live in Florida and Wyoming, having quite a nice life. Lisa is sixteen years younger than me, so we didn’t really grow up together, but she and my mom live in Idaho now so I see them there. My mom, by the way, is in her eighties, and she got remarried a few years ago to a ninety-year-old guy. So now I have a stepdad too.　　Growing up, I was dyslexic and had low self-esteem. Everyone could read better than I could. So sports became my refuge, a place where I could excel and where I could bash into smart guys on the football field. My parents never encouraged me to do sports—they were just there for me. Back in those days, parents didn’t routinely attend their kids’ sporting events the way they do today. But I would look over at the stands during a basketball game and the only parents in the stands would be mine. My dad was a real hero. He was in the Fifth Ranger Battalion and landed on Omaha Beach. He got a Purple Heart and is buried at Arlington. He was a great example for me. I try to be a good example to my children as well. Kids watch everything their parents do.　　Family is what really counts in our lives. My life is all about my family, first and foremost, so when I was asked to write the foreword for this book, I jumped at the chance. No matter what hurdles your family puts in front of you, no matter how tough the ups and downs, no matter how unpleasant the discourse they throw at you, raising a family and being a part of a family is a race worth running. Chicken Soup for the Soul has always been a great source of inspiration, comfort, understanding, and humor about family life, and I loved this subject. This new volume of stories that you hold in your hands really resonates with me—the stories are so funny, so outrageous, and so real.I hope you will enjoy these great stories as much as I did. They certainly rival the ones I live every day.Bruse Jenner　　當你真正了解一個家庭的時候，總會發(fā)覺它有點不同尋常，沒人覺得自己的家庭是正常的。所以，如果我們都是如此，那這種不正常就會變成新的正常標準。每個家庭中總有些不同尋常的人，他們讓假日變得妙趣橫生、讓葬禮跟中東局勢一般緊張、讓婚禮變成托管中心……　　任何現(xiàn)代家庭中總有很多趣事可供談?wù)?，尤其是我的家庭。在我六十年的歲月中，毫無疑問，我經(jīng)歷過許多家庭，而我的家庭是我人生當中最為重要、回報最大、最具挑戰(zhàn)以及最為美妙的一部分?！　∥液臀壹乙黄鸾?jīng)歷過許多起起伏伏，包括在十八歲那年失去了兄弟，但我很高興自己這一路走來的過程。我的童年很快樂，成年之后結(jié)過三次婚，有十個孩子。人生中最讓我激動也最讓我感到困難的就是家庭，十個孩子確實是很復雜的。我不僅要和強勢而又長袖善舞的妻子相處，還要適應(yīng)每個孩子不同的個性。當你要和很多人相處的時候，你的生活是非常充實的，而這也讓十項全能運動顯得簡單?！　∶總€孩子的不同之處會讓人覺得驚奇，關(guān)于這是先天基因所致還是后天培養(yǎng)的結(jié)果，一直都存在爭議。每個家庭的孩子都是一樣地長大，但他們卻是如此大相徑庭。我覺得，基因是決定因素，再加上一點點后天的培養(yǎng)，造就了后來的我們。　　我和第一任妻子克里斯蒂？克勞諾弗有了我人生中的第一個兒子和女兒。三十二歲的伯特已經(jīng)長大成人，他打算自己創(chuàng)業(yè)，我尊重他的選擇。只要是為他自己好，他從來就不怕工作。他唯一的一個辦公室工作只維持了三個月，是電話銷售員。從這個工作中，他至少學到了不要太介意別人的拒絕，這就很好。因為，努力工作的他現(xiàn)在結(jié)合自己對賽車的愛好和對互聯(lián)網(wǎng)的了解，開創(chuàng)了一個新的事業(yè)——他為此已準備多年。作為一個企業(yè)家，他同時要為訓狗和擴展事業(yè)埋單。他的妹妹，我美麗聰明的女兒凱西，現(xiàn)在三十歲了，嫁給了她在波士頓大學認識的一個好男人。他們?yōu)槲規(guī)砹说谝粋€外孫女——弗朗西斯卡？馬里諾，她現(xiàn)在一歲了?！　∥液偷诙纹拮恿者_？湯普森又生了兩個兒子。二十九歲的布蘭登是家里最有才能的，他年少時參加越野摩托車賽受傷了，在之后復原的過程中他決定學吉他。結(jié)果，他還彈得挺不錯的。大學一年級的時候，他為了追求自己的音樂夢想退了學，我也沒有反對。我相信，當你把工作當成一種娛樂來享受時，你就成功了。布蘭登是那種自己干什么都不讓人知道的孩子，即使我是個飛行員，他考飛行員執(zhí)照的時候也什么都沒說，直到他拿到了執(zhí)照我才知道。對于音樂，他也如此。一天，他很隨意地跟我提到要在馬里布旅館現(xiàn)場表演，我才知道他組了個樂隊。那晚，布蘭登站到臺上，一邊彈奏，一邊演唱自己寫的曲子，表現(xiàn)很出色。作為父親，那是令我感到驕傲的眾多夜晚之一?！　‖F(xiàn)在布蘭登和老鷹樂隊的主吉他手唐的女兒利厄？菲爾德訂婚了，他們正在為華納兄弟錄制他們的第一張專輯。布蘭登的家里有個錄音棚，他的繼父大衛(wèi)？福斯特是個制作人，是音樂界的偶像。布蘭登和現(xiàn)年二十七歲的弟弟布羅迪、還有他們的母親出現(xiàn)在早期一個名為《馬里布王子》的真人秀上，是關(guān)于和他們繼父一起生活的專題節(jié)目。節(jié)目的播放時間不長，但很有趣，我那兩個兒子那時候就在關(guān)于家庭的真人秀里出現(xiàn)了，遠遠早于《跟上卡戴珊》這個節(jié)目。這肯定是與生俱來的天賦。那部早期真人秀開啟了布羅迪在音樂電視臺的職業(yè)生涯，現(xiàn)在他出演《好萊塢女孩》真人秀，也以和美眉約會而著稱?！　‖F(xiàn)在，和我結(jié)婚已有二十年的克里斯，使我有了一個更大的家庭，并不得不學習一些新規(guī)則，例如怎樣當繼父。當一個繼父很困難，你和繼子繼女一起生活的時間多于和自己親生孩子的生活時間，但你又不是他們真正的父親，他們也不會讓你忘記這一點。雖然我和克里斯的第一任丈夫羅伯特？卡戴珊相處得很好，但最年長的繼女考特尼一開始很難接受我成為她的繼父。我和克里斯結(jié)婚后的第一年，考特尼一直都穿黑色的衣服?？继啬岈F(xiàn)在三十一歲，我和她媽結(jié)婚那陣正好是她的青春期，倒也說得通她那時為什么會那樣做。盡管她現(xiàn)在對于自己想要的東西還是很執(zhí)著，但隨著時間的推移，考特尼和我建立了很好的關(guān)系，她現(xiàn)在自己當了母親，我們的關(guān)系就更進一步了。大約一年前，我們迎來了卡戴珊家族的第一個外孫——梅森，他是考特尼和史考特？迪斯科的兒子?！　∵@三個卡戴珊女孩和她們的母親一樣，都是很聰明的女商人，我也期待著她們都賺得比我多。二十九歲的金伯利是三個之中最積極的，她從不停止工作。我成為她繼父的時候，她的年齡比考特尼要小點，我們之間的關(guān)系一直很好。二十六歲的克洛伊是三個女孩之中最小的，我剛加入這個家庭的時候她還太小，我們的關(guān)系也很融洽。　　還剩下一個卡戴珊家族成員，那就是羅伯，現(xiàn)年二十三歲。最近他終于離開家了，盡管是搬去和克洛伊還有她的丈夫拉馬爾？奧多姆一起住。有個溺愛他的母親，還有三個姐姐，這個孩子的日子過得太輕松了。但他很聰明，主修商務(wù)。在發(fā)展家族完美肌膚的個人護理產(chǎn)品的過程中，我們的商業(yè)伙伴教了羅伯很多，我期待著他能有一番成就。2003年，羅伯的父親因為癌癥突然去世，年僅五十九歲，他痛不欲生，至今仍在克服這個心結(jié)。羅伯是個完美主義者，他的襯衫是按照顏色排列的。他最后會和誰在一起？我們拭目以待。　　接下來是我的小天使，馬上要滿十五歲的肯德爾和十三歲的凱利。我和克里斯之前都與別人有過孩子，那么擁有我們自己的孩子也合乎情理。這兩個女孩完全是在公眾的矚目下成長的，不論是電視節(jié)目還是她們其他的活動，都在聚光燈下。肯德爾已經(jīng)是威廉敏娜模特中介的模特，凱利也在等待著那一天的到來。但我告訴她，要等到她十四歲時才能當模特，這讓她不太高興。不過我已經(jīng)學會了客觀地看待她的不悅，所以能夠從容應(yīng)對這些年輕姑娘的鬧別扭。但凱利的性格和考特尼最接近，因為她們都很獨立。所以關(guān)于凱利的部分應(yīng)該是很有趣的。　　他們其實都很有趣，我也知道你們中的很多人都很喜歡看這個節(jié)目。克里斯和我已經(jīng)出演E頻道的終極家庭電視秀《跟上卡戴珊》四年了，還有克里斯的六個孩子以及我那些較為年長的孩子的客串。你們中的許多人已經(jīng)看到了我們多彩生活的跌宕起伏，順便說一句，電視里的都是真的，我們確實就是那樣做的！　　在這個混合大家庭里，在前妻和孩子當中，我自己覺得被他們認為是個穩(wěn)重的人。每一集中，詹納/卡戴珊家庭肯定是繞著我團團轉(zhuǎn)。有太多怪誕的事情發(fā)生，以至于你終于明白，為什么那句古老的諺語——“真相比小說更奇怪”——聽起來那么明智了。　　出演電視節(jié)目并不影響我們的家庭運作，你們看到的是真實的我們。我們相親相愛、相互支持。我們也吵過鬧過，但底線就是相互珍惜、相互尊重。我們是個緊密的家庭，一起經(jīng)歷過很多事情，如離婚、關(guān)于羅伯特？卡戴珊擔任奧仁索？詹姆斯？辛普森辯護律師的爭議。羅伯特的觀點是，不論是不是覺得他有罪，總得有人代表他，而且羅伯特和辛普森在大學里是朋友。羅伯特的去世除了對這個家庭造成了巨大的打擊，還引來了所有媒體的狂轟濫炸。而這個電視節(jié)目使這個家變得更為緊密，這不僅僅是關(guān)于三個瘋女孩滿世界地跑、高調(diào)地生活的故事，更是一個真實而緊密的家庭的寫照。每集末尾你們都能看到，這家人再次和好如初?！　∶總€人在成長過程中都會犯錯。作為家長，你要保持一個開放的思想，以身作則，給孩子充分的成長空間。比如，金在十九歲那年偷偷溜去拉斯維加斯，瞞著所有人和一個男人結(jié)婚了?？继啬徇^了好一陣子才察覺，并在拉斯維加斯法院的網(wǎng)站上查到了她的結(jié)婚記錄。那段婚姻只持續(xù)了幾年，結(jié)局也很糟。而為了證明孩子確實聽我的話，我告訴金這第一次婚姻沒什么大不了的，她還年輕。她卻跟我說我是個白癡。然后是克洛伊，我們都以為她結(jié)婚的可能性最小，但她從認識拉馬爾到和他結(jié)婚，前后只有兩個星期的時間。我曾不經(jīng)意間聽到金告訴克洛伊：年輕時第一次婚姻沒什么大不了的！順便說一句，克洛伊的婚姻狀況看起來還不錯，我們也很高興?！　】蓯鄣目寺逡磷罱噶隋e，某天和朋友喝了幾杯之后，她開車回家，卻被警察攔住，并告她醉酒駕車。那一年半對她來說簡直就是生活在地獄。在加利福尼亞，她周旋于媒體和醉酒駕車的后果之間。這是個很大的錯誤，但也是個很好的錯誤，沒人受傷，沒有事故，而她也上了有價值的一課。當時我沒生氣，不過如果她再犯的話，我就不會這么輕易放過她了?！　∈虑樵究赡軙?。1976年，在奧林匹克運動會上，我為美國贏得十項全能運動金牌。三個月后，我弟弟伯特在一次車禍中喪生，他負全責，那年他才十八歲。一個人永遠都無法從那樣的傷痛中恢復過來。我還有兩個姐妹。潘姆比我年長，她一直都很完美，她是好學生、好運動員，每晚學習七小時。她嫁給了一個稅務(wù)律師，他們住在佛羅里達和懷俄明州，過著美好的生活。麗薩比我小十六歲，所以我們并不是一起長大的，但她和我母親住在愛達荷州，我會去那兒看望她們。我母親現(xiàn)在八十多歲了。幾年前，她和一個九十歲的老頭再婚了。所以，現(xiàn)在我也有個繼父?！　〕砷L過程中，我朗誦很差，自尊心也弱。課堂上，誰都比我朗誦得好。因此，運動成了我的庇護所，那是一個我擅長的、可以在球場上擊敗對手的領(lǐng)域。我的父母從不鼓勵我從事運動，他們只是默默關(guān)注著我。那時候，父母不像現(xiàn)在這樣經(jīng)常去看孩子運動，但每次籃球賽我環(huán)顧看臺，我父母是唯一坐在看臺上看孩子打球的家長。我父親是個真正的英雄，他曾是突擊隊第五營的成員，參與過諾曼底登陸。他得到過一個紫心勛章，這勛章隨父親葬在了阿林頓。對我來說，他是個很成功的榜樣，我也試著給我的孩子樹立一個良好的榜樣。父母做什么，孩子們都在看著。　　家庭在我們的人生中占據(jù)很重要的位置，我的人生是圍繞著我的家庭的，從最初到現(xiàn)在。因此，在被邀請為本書寫前言時，我立刻就答應(yīng)了。不論你的家庭給你帶來了什么樣的難題、不論起伏是多么的艱難、不論家人對你說過多么難聽的話，養(yǎng)家并融入家庭中，你義不容辭。心靈雞湯一直是靈感、慰藉、理解和家庭幽默的上佳來源。我很喜歡這個主題，而現(xiàn)在你手中的這本新書也的確和我產(chǎn)生了共鳴，里面的故事是那么的有趣、那么的出人意料，卻又那么的真實。我希望你能和我一樣，享受這些故事——它們和我每天所遇到的事情一樣，引人入勝?！　　剪斔埂ふ布{

內(nèi)容概要

　　《心靈雞湯：淡定的人生不再寂寞》講述了50余篇真實感人的故事，故事紀錄了發(fā)生在家庭中的趣事以及點滴的幸福瞬間。比如父子間、母女間、夫妻間或者整個家庭成員間的故事等。文筆感性，整體風格活潑幽默。原汁原味的英文，優(yōu)美感性的中文，使人不自覺沉浸其中，受到心靈的洗滌和滋養(yǎng)。
　　這本書是地道雙語的完美結(jié)合，不論是形式，還是故事內(nèi)容，都堪稱經(jīng)典。
　　同時，本書以雙語形式編排推出，是人們學習英語的最佳讀本。

作者簡介

　　①杰克·坎菲爾德（Jack
Canfield）是“心靈雞湯系列叢書”的創(chuàng)始人之一，這套叢書被《時代》雜志贊譽為“近十年來是出版業(yè)的神話”。他還參與編寫了另外八本暢銷作品。
　　②馬克·維克多`漢森（Mark Victor Hansen）和Jack
Canfield一樣，是“心靈雞湯系列叢書”的創(chuàng)始人之一。他是一個備受追捧的演講人、暢銷書作者、市場營銷專家。他關(guān)于可能性、機遇、行動的具有沖擊力的見解，已經(jīng)為全球成千上萬人的人生帶來了神奇的改變。
　?、郯住ぜ~馬克（Amy
Newmark）是“心靈雞湯系列叢書”的出版人，擁有三十年的從業(yè)經(jīng)歷，其身份包括作家、演講人，以及金融與電信領(lǐng)域的金融分析師和業(yè)務(wù)主管。
　?、芴K珊·海姆（Susan M.
Heim）是作家和編輯界的常青樹，擅長寫育兒、女性和圣誕方面的文章。蘇珊已經(jīng)出版了好幾本《心靈雞湯》叢書。

書籍目錄

Foreword
前言
Chapter 1 Forebear...ance
第一部分 長輩
003. A Guy for All Seasons
萬能達人
010. The Day Dad Shot Conan
父親槍擊科南事件
017. Generationally Challenged
時代的挑戰(zhàn)
024. Try It, You Won’t Like It
不去嘗試，怎么知道自己喜不喜歡
031. The Optimist
樂天派
039. The Cooking Lesson
烹飪課
047. Answer the Phone
接電話
051. Cotton Balls
棉花球
059. Mr. Fix-It
修理先生
067. Dad’s Five-Dollar Pants
父親的五塊錢褲子
076. Against the Grain
格格不入
086. Truck Stop Teeth
加油站快餐廳的假牙
Chapter 2 Relatively Embarrassing
第二部分 尷尬關(guān)系
095. A Fist Full of Dollars
攥著錢的拳頭
100. My Wingman
我的鐵哥們兒
106. Strawberry Fields
草莓園
112. The BOEPAD Club
極速滑雪俱樂部
120. Mom, You’re Not Going to Write About This, Are You?
媽媽，你不會把這個寫下來吧？
126. Nana Ha Ha
娜娜哈哈
135. Who Wears Pink Shorts?
誰穿粉紅色的短褲？
143. Chicago’s Great Rat Infestation
芝加哥大鼠患
149. The Evil Eye
“邪惡之眼”
153. Throw Mama from the Wheelchair
把婆婆扔出輪椅
Chapter 3 Newlyweds and Oldyweds
第三部分 新婚夫婦和老夫老妻
161. Umbrella Chairs
帶陽傘的躺椅
167. Reno Salutes Hal and Midge
里諾向豪爾和米吉致敬
175. Busted
功敗垂成
183. Surprise, Surprise
給你一個大驚喜
187. Here Comes the Marshmallow
棉花糖來了
195. Second Chance
第二次機會
202. What Families Do
家人的意義
Chapter 4 Happily Ever Laughter
第四部分 幸?？鞓返男β?br />213. The Butler Did It
男管家
220. In Your Dreams
在你夢中
226. My Next Husband Will Be Normal
我的下一任丈夫會是個正常人
232. Saturday Morning Crazy
瘋狂的周六早晨
240. A Brush with Disaster
災難梳子
245. Battle of the Dishes
盤子之戰(zhàn)
250. Fit to Be Tied
十分惱火
254. Confessions of a Decorating Junkie
裝飾狂人的懺悔
262. It’s Not Easy Being Green
要綠色環(huán)保不容易
269. Joseph’s Many Coats
約瑟夫的許多外套
277. Toilet Paper for Valentine’s Day
情人節(jié)廁紙
282. Define Normal
定義正常
Chapter 5 Family Fun
第五部分 家庭樂趣
289. Numb Skulls
麻木的腦袋
295. The Sleepover War
過夜之戰(zhàn)
303. Bonding over Bats and Bunfires
與蝙蝠、篝火為伍
309. Scars and Legacies
傷痕和傳統(tǒng)
314. The Brisket Fairies
醬牛肉精靈
321. A Burning Issue
著火問題
326. Better Late than Never
亡羊補牢，猶未為晚
334. Brown Coffee and American Bread
加奶咖啡和美國面包
342. The Clambake
燒蛤會
351. The Jokester
喜歡惡作劇的人
357. Tallyho!
獵食
365. Meet Our Contributors
見見我們的撰稿人
381. Meet Our Authors
見見我們的作者
385. About Bruce Jenner
布魯斯?詹納簡介
387. Thank You
感謝詞
390.
Chicken Soup for the Soul
 Improving Your Life
Every Day
心靈雞湯
每天改善你的生活
391. Share with Us
與我們一同分享

章節(jié)摘錄

　　Surprise, Surprise　　給你一個大驚喜　　If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I　　wouldn’t show up.　　~Dr. Seuss　　My father is a rabbi, and of course he often officiates at weddings. One time he was asked to officiate at a surprise fiftieth anniversary party that would include a renewal of vows. The couple’s daughter, Marilyn, was so excited. She had invited all of her parents’ lifelong friends—her mom’s　　mahjong group, her dad’s golfing buddies, all seven of their grandchildren—and she had booked a dinner for all of them at a fancy hotel. Marilyn said that she wanted nothing but the best for her parents.　　The event had begun as an elegant, fancy surprise party, but eventually grew to include a ten-piece band and a six-course expensive dinner.　　A photographer was even hired to make souvenir badges for each guest.　　As the days went by, and the cost seemed to exponentially expand, Marilyn’s husband began to question the growing expenses of the party: “I’m not so sure your parents truly need two flamingos in a rented fountain.” However, Marilyn would not budge. She met again with her party planner, and the arrangements became even more and more elaborate.　　The big day finally arrived and Marilyn could not have asked for a more beautiful evening as she and her husband drove up to the hotel. They hastened inside. The aroma from the kitchen was delightful. The musicians were tuning their instruments and the hall looked beautiful. As the guests began to arrive Marilyn was more excited than she thought possible.　　By 8:00 p.m., all the guests had arrived for the surprise party. Marilyn had planned for her parents to get to their surprise party at 8:15 by telling them that the celebration was actually a party for their parents’ good friends, Mr. and Mrs. Samuels. However, 8:15 came and went with no sign of the anniversary couple. Then 8:30 came—and also went. At 8:50, Mary was becoming　　extremely anxious and nervous.　　“Where are my parents?” she nervously asked herself. “What if something happened to them? What would we do?” Just then, Marilyn’s cell phone rang. She grabbed it.　　“Hello, hello!” she shouted.　　“Marilyn, this is Mom. Please send our apologies to the Samuels, but last night we looked on the Internet for an inexpensive, last-minute cruise, and we found it. It left Galveston at 5:00 this afternoon, and we’re now on our way to Key West. We’ll be back next Saturday morning. You know, it’s our fiftieth anniversary this Tuesday, and we wanted to celebrate it in a meaningful way. Tell everyone that we are sorry we cannot be there together with them tonight.”　　Marilyn was in shock. She did not even notice her cell phone dropping into the fountain with the flamingos. Her husband, however, overheard his mother-in-law’s comments on the phone. He sarcastically, but calmly, stated to his wife, “Now, can we shout ‘SURPRISE’?”　　Michael Jordan Segal, MSW　　如果我受邀帶著自己的個性出席晚餐聚會，那我是不會去的?！　　共┦俊　∥业母赣H是一個猶太教祭司，當然，他經(jīng)常主持婚禮。有一次，他受邀主持一個意想不到的五十周年結(jié)婚紀念日聚會，其中一項活動為重溫當初的誓言。老夫婦的女兒瑪麗琳十分激動。她邀請父母一生中所有的朋友都來參加聚會，母親的麻將牌友、父親的高爾夫球友和所有的孫子孫女?，旣惲赵谝患腋邫n酒店預訂了晚餐，她說什么都不重要，只要父母開心就好。本來一開始只是個優(yōu)雅、高檔的驚喜聚會，但最后這頓昂貴的晚餐還包括了十組表演樂隊和六道菜式，甚至還雇用了攝影師給每位來賓拍照留念。　　隨著時間的流逝，花費也在成倍地上漲。瑪麗琳的丈夫開始質(zhì)疑這次聚會的費用：“我懷疑你父母真的需要兩個火烈鳥站在租來的噴水池里。”然而，瑪麗琳不打算讓步，她和聚會策劃人再一次碰頭，布置變得越來越精致?！　∧且惶旖K于到來，瑪麗琳和丈夫開車前往酒店，天氣好得不能再好了。他們快速走進酒店，從廚房散發(fā)出的香味讓人感到愉悅，音樂家們在調(diào)試樂器，大廳看起來美極了。當來賓開始抵達時，瑪麗琳比想象中還要激動。　　八點鐘，所有來賓都已經(jīng)抵達酒店。因為想給父母一個驚喜，所以瑪麗琳原本告訴父母，這次的驚喜聚會是為父母的好友塞繆爾斯夫婦準備的，請父母八點十五分抵達酒店。但是，八點十五分到了，不見父母蹤影。八點半了，還是沒人。八點五十分，瑪麗琳開始變得焦慮?！　∷o張地問自己：“爸媽呢？是不是出事了？我們該怎么辦？”　　就在此時，瑪麗琳的手機響了，她接起電話叫道：“喂？喂？”　　“瑪麗琳，是媽媽。請向塞繆爾斯夫婦致歉。昨晚，我們在網(wǎng)上看到一個便宜的豪華游輪旅行，時間很趕，我們就訂了。今天早上五點就離開了加爾維斯敦，現(xiàn)在我們在去基韋斯特的路上，下周六早上回來。你知道的，這周二是我們的五十周年結(jié)婚紀念日，我們想以富有意義的方式來慶祝。告訴他們我們很抱歉今晚不能參加聚會了。”　　瑪麗琳驚呆了，連手機掉進噴水池也沒察覺。而她的丈夫無意中聽到岳母在電話里說的話，于是諷刺但又冷靜地對妻子說道：“現(xiàn)在，我們可以大叫‘給你一個驚喜’了嗎？”　　——邁克·喬丹·西格爾　　……

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